Helen Keller was always my Idol! She is/was always such an inspiration
May 6, 2011 Coon Dog Cemetery and Rattle Snake Saloon
Caution ~ Written by Jimmy,so there is adult language throughout!
Objective: Visit the “Coon Dog Cemetery” and then visit the “Rattle Snake Saloon”. 'Round these parts, these are the 2 major tourist attractions. Two factors affected this primo tour: 1) we used the GPS to get us there ~&~ 2) we had less than ¼ of a tank of gas in our PT Cruiser. A few days prior I'd had looked at a real map and we had talked to people about these places. What we heard was that they were close, just up the road and that they're well worth the visit and time.
Yesterday, I punched in the CDC (Coon Dog Cemetery) into the GPS and set out with my lovely wife for a fun filled afternoon of touristy things. (side note- Since we’ve had this coach, we haven’t been doing much of the touristy things - end side note) We set out of the Service area of Tiffin Motorhome and the GPS says turn right. As I turn right it immediately says “recalculating route”. We had to make 3 left turns then a right to get us back on track to the CDC. As we were leaving town, two things happened. Cindi said "we need to get gas" and I checked the GPS and it said 59 miles to CDC. I thought that I would come across a gas station pretty soon (wrong) and 59 miles seems like a lot further than had been related to us by everyone.
So 30 minutes later, we haven’t come across a gas station and we are in Mississippi. Nobody mentioned anything about going to Mississippi and Cindi is reminding me that “You should have gotten gas” and “You never listen to me”. (side note from Cindi - because he was in "Airport Mode") So once we get on the “Natchez Trace Parkway” for a few miles, my low fuel indicator “bongs” once to remind us that we are low on gas. I pulled over to punch into the GPS a gas stop. (side note- I have a HP GPS and I can confirm that this is truly a piece of shit. In this case, you couldn’t get the closest gas, you had to pick the brand (Shell, Exxon, etc) search for the closest one on the list and to add to the fun, the list doesn’t list closest first. Then you go to the next brand and so on- (end side note) I finally picked a Phillips 66 station that was about 7 miles away. The Natchez Trace Parkway was beautiful and well worth the side trip. As I feather the gas pedal to be easy on the gas to get us the 7 miles, the fuel meter “bong bonged” twice to indicate that you are really low on gas. Being confident that it was only 7 miles I confidently kept going. We got off the Natchez Trace Parkway at the HP GPS’ direction and came to a T intersection. Gas was to the left and Cherokee (the CDC) was to the right (2 miles!!!). I turned left and faithfully followed my HP GPS. As we proceeded down the 4 lane divided highway, still confident that the HP GPS would get me there, I began to get this sinking feeling. The HP GPS indicated that I need to take the next left and U-turn to the Phillips 66. As I’m approaching, I can see about 3 miles ahead an unobstructed view of both sides of the freeway. There is nothing there. The Phillips 66 isn’t there; there isn’t even a building of where it might have once stood (and we couldn't even blame the recent tornadoes because it was full of trees, all still standing!).
Oh shit! I turn off the HP GPS so that it doesn’t keep trying to take me back to a non-existent gas station. I tried to recall that T intersection of how many miles to the next town. Over the next 9 miles, we passed 2 gas stations that were either closed or out of business. Each passing increased the stress and the urgency to gas up (F-ing Airport Mode to the max!) Finally we got to Iuka, a really small town in Mississippi with an Exxon. Remember that piece of shit HP GPS? When I was searching for the gas, the first brand I checked was Exxon and the HP GPS said that the nearest Exxon was 49 miles away. As it turns out it was about 12-14 miles from where I checked for gas. This station wasn’t new and in fact the concrete around the station was turning back to sand.
So, we are finally relieved with a full tank of gas and we were encouraged that we might find the CDC before sunset. I start retracing the path back toward the invisible Phillips 66 gas station and the T intersection. As we pass the T intersection about ½ mile down the road is a BP gas station.
(Another side note from Cindi - Grrrrrrrrrrrr)...
No matter, we are heading to the much acclaimed CDC, the only one in the world. HP GPS says 23 miles to CDC. This mileage sticks in my head and I’m beginning to hate the piece of shit HP GPS. (More on this 23 miles later.) I’m flying down US 72 enjoying the scenery and almost as an afterthought, I saw a sign that took a couple seconds to realize that it said the CDC is the next right turn. I slam on the binders and pull off the road. I did a bad thing here but I had to see that sign again, I was unsure because the HP GPS says 6 miles to the next turn. I backup on the emergency lane but only when no traffic was approaching; I didn’t want a ticket for being stupid. I got to the sign and sure enough, CDC next right. After a brief discussion with the wife and the HP GPS, I turned off the HP GPS and turned right. I’m going to shorten this part. After about 18 miles, 3 wrong turns, stopping to ask for directions twice, one very rough gravel road (I swear the rocks we at least 1 to 2 inches of broken gravel) and a lot of beautiful scenery including bridges, homes, barns and country smells we found the Coon Dog Cemetery. Almost by accident, we had turned the HP GPS back on because at this point in our tour we had the feeling that we might not ever see our home/coach again. As we turned into the CDC the HP GPS said we were making the wrong turn and we had another 8 miles to go. F-ing HP GPS!
Still, with great expectations, we pulled into the much acclaimed tourist site. We were not sure if we were going to have to pay for the privilege to see this one of a kind place. Maybe it’s guarded or gated; maybe there is a charge for parking. As we pull in, "what a letdown". Yes, it was nice but not worth the 70 plus miles to get here. Then we reflected on what we had seen along the way and it made it worthwhile. No matter, we wandered around the grounds with respect that the love that some people had to come this far to put their beloved coon dogs in the ground with headstones, markers and flowers. Each person had taken a lot of time to pay tribute to their dogs. There were no guards, no gates and no charges for parking. There were some covered picnic tables and 2 (really gross) old fashion outhouses; remember, we are in Alabama.
Yes, we did take the long way there, yes we did get lost many times and yes the HP GPS is a piece of shit.
Next we head off to the famed Rattle Snake Saloon… And yes, I was asking the HP GPS to take us there. I wanted to go back to Red Bay but Cindi reminded me that we were retired and doing our touristy thing. I punched in the Rattle Snake Saloon address and turned left. My inner-compass said turn right but I ignored it again and followed my HP GPS. Sure that it had found its bearings this time.
Sooooo, 25 miles later and sitting at another intersection, lost and wondering where the hell the Rattle Snake Saloon could possibly be in this forest, I reflected back on what one of the locals had told me. “Aw, it’s easy to git to, just go down yander 24 to 247 and take a left. There will be signs on the right to turn left.” As we sat there for 5 minutes, wandering what to do next, I realized that we were sitting on the 247 that the local guy had told me about.
Cindi says, “OMG!!! There’s a sign that says turn here for the Rattle Snake Saloon LOL!” Somehow we had missed it. We had driven right past it, it didn't have a sign - go figure. I fired up the Turbo Charged PT Cruiser and flipped a bitch and surged ahead, back on track. We found it! Not a disappointment at all. Parked the car, peed the dog, took a truck "Saloon Taxi" down the hill to the famed Rattle Snake Saloon. It was very nice. A bit too commercial for me but what would you expect with a place that had 'Saloon' in its name? We stayed about 60 minutes. Cindi took a lot of pictures, wandering all around this really cool place. We bought 1 diet coke for $1.50, listened to a couple of "good Ol' boy" songs and walked back to the car (2 songs was all I could take). On the way, we stopped and talked to some people that had horses in the stables. There were about 15 horses and more were pulling in. The sun was getting low and I didn’t have a lot of confidence in the HP GPS to get us back so, again, we had to go.
One more time I punched in the Red Bay, Alabama. When I say punched, by this time, I really was punching it in. I was having visions of tossing this damn HP GPS into some pond or 'crik'. But, after 23 years with HP, I’ll give it one more try. We followed its suggestions back to 247 and powered down the road. Cindi and I were both satisfied that we had had a good time. Cindi took in all the different smells of cut grass, flowers and the smell of fresh spring country air. She wanted to know what I thought of this. Here’s where I had a flashback. Something that I forgot to mention when we were so lost much earlier. We had no cell phone coverage - NONE. What I said was, “What I smell is no internet!” That got a big laugh from both of us... The HP GPS suddenly said, “turn right now”. My inner-compass was telling me to keep on 247 and the voice of that local guy said to stay straight on 247. I mean how could it be wrong when it's looking for a big place like Red Bay? We turned right and twisted and turned our way back onto 2 lane and 1 lane roads. Passing more barns, beautiful country and little rivers in the fading light of the day. What the hell, I’m retired! Apparently, my HP GPS is in retirement mode too; it always wants to take the touristy route as well. I now know that I can’t depend on the P.O.S. HP GPS much like I couldn’t depend on HP to take me to my expected retirement age of 70. I don’t care now. I’m retired...
So in the end of the day, did we have a good time? Most definitely! Did we learn anything? Absolutely! Even though the "F-ing" HP GPS took us the wrong way again, even though we almost ran out of gas, even though it tested our coping skills with the stress of being lost and the feeling we may not ever find our home again, we survived and actually had a good time. BTW, Coon Dog Cemetery is 29 miles from Red Bay, Alabama, down highway 24 and turn left on 247. Three f-ing turns and you pass Rattle Snake Saloon just before the third turn.
(side note from Cindi - we also learned it could have turned out reeeeeeeeally differently if I had actually gotten "mad" when he 'never' listens to me!!! Frustrated yes, but because we were in touristy mode, not mad! BUT, with that said, that HP GPS can KISS MY ASS!
We did have fun though and we laughed a lot once we got the gas... Both of us kept doin' "dueling banjos" all day. It was hilarious!!!
Gotta LOVE the BAMA!
